The Worst Investment I Ever Made

That’s right. 

I’m going there. 

And this isn’t even a rant. It is more of a moment of clarity. 

I finally get it. 

I finally get what I did wrong. I am here to help YOU not make the same mistake.

So a few years ago, I was kind of in a rut. I realized that I didn’t like the regular 9-5. I wasn’t a day-in, day-out kind of person. I have a short attention span and I am kind of spontaneous. Having a regular day job was just not my thing. BUT, I couldn’t live life broke. My husband made decent money and we weren’t doing bad. I just wanted more.

I wanted to travel. I loooooooove traveling. I wanted to cross the globe and prove to the world that I could do it! I wanted to make money on the go. I wanted to eat where ever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn’t want a fancy car. I definitely don’t want a big house. I don’t care for nice clothes. I also don’t like wearing shoes. At least not all the time. I don’t care for bags or new gadgets or anything that costs money. All I wanted was to go places and eat new food. Or eat foods that I’m obsessed with and then I hate for a long time. I’m that kind of person.

So here I was with this new dilemma. What do I do? How do I do all my traveling and eating without a 9-5 job? 

That meant I needed to find a “job” that fit me.

While on this journey I had a friend who was doing some “coaching”. He was teaching skills and lessons that would help people create value in all the areas of their lives. Who wants to be rich and sad? Or who wants to be fit and broke? It was about having abundance in all the aspects of our lives.

My husband had the  bought a $1000 package for 1 hour sessions every week for 6 months. This worked well for my husband. He got it. He totally got it. He totally gets it.

I, on the other hand, had a difficult time with the information. I could see how it worked but I couldn’t see how it would work with ME. It connected some dots but not ALL the dots. But I wanted HIS life. I wanted to do the “coaching”. Helping people and making your own schedule. Working from whenever to whenever or where ever. It seemed like a dream! He worked when he wanted, where he wanted, how he wanted… too good to be true. (Yet he is STILL doing it!) Coaching and changing people’s lives while living his own dreams. And he told me I could do exactly what he was doing if I followed his steps! And so I did. Or at least I “attempted”.

In the next step, I needed to invest $7000.

Now before you go judging me and judging this guy, YES, that is a lot of money. Yes it seems a little fishy but here is some key information you don’t know.

  1. This guy was a GOOD friend of ours. I would trust him with my life. I honestly would. He was an honest man and I KNEW that from the get go. I had no problem with trusting him with anything.
  2. He had clients who were paying much more than my $7000. He was being kind to me. He helped a client bring home $10,000 just the week before. This was not new to him. He knew what he was doing.
  3. I knew that he could help me get where I wanted to be. I did not doubt that.

So I hope you did not judge me or my friend on any of this. It was a smart move for me. Potentially. 

But here’s the catch…. It was the WORST investment I ever made.

Not because I invested in him, it was because I believed I was investing in him.

I thought that I was paying him $7000 to make me like him. I thought I was investing in him. I thought he was my investment.

Now I bet you’re thinking “well isn’t he???” “Isn’t that what you paid him to do? Make you better? To make you like him?”

And the answer is no.

I did not pay him to make me like him.

I did not invest in him.

That money, that $7000, that was me trying to invest in me.

See… here’s the thing…. no matter what he taught or what he did or what he showed me or what he told me to do… only I could do it.

It was all on ME. It was Heilala that needed to do the work. It was Heilala that needed to put in the effort. It was Heilala that needed to do the assignments and the CORE 4 and the things that would make my systems go.

My problem was that I failed to understand that… I was really investing in me. He was just the teacher.

If you’re not understanding, let me put it this way.

When you go to college are you investing in the college/university of your choice?

The answer is technically yes. You expect them to teach you the necessary things you need for your degree. You are there for your eductation.

Wait… FOR YOUR EDUCATION.

You are there for YOU.

Who has to put in the time?

Who has to turn in the homework?

Who has to study?

Who has to go to class?

YOU.

YOU DO.

YOU. HAVE. TO. DO. THE. WORK.

IT IS ALL ON YOU.

You are investing in…. YOU.

Your education isn’t about the college or university. Yes, that does have to play a part of it. You want the best education from the best professors and the best institute possible… but YOU want this education for YOU. And YOU are the investment.

And that is what I lacked clarity on.

I was investing in ME>

I was merely paying this “institute” to give me the proper tools and education I needed.

Did he deliver???? OH YES HE DID>

He OVER delivered. He was way beyond the money I gave him.

This is how annoying it is… every “how to” and “click here” I entered and joined and watched and looked over, every MLM and business and training I attended, every single self development book I’ve read and listened to… it all came down to the same things he taught me. That’s what he taught me. ALL OF IT.

How to create wealth. How to create the body you want. How to develop amazing relationships. How to find fulfillment. He taught me all of that and MORE.

I know every lesson in the book.

If there were a test on all of that info, I would ACE IT LIKE NOBODIES BUSINESS…

But here’s the catch…. how willing am I to invest in ME?

How willing am I to pay myself $7000 to get me where I want to be?????

Obviously, I never have been.

I never tried.

I never put in the work.

I never did the homework.

I never turned in the assignments.

I never went to class prepared.

I was too unwilling to invest in myself.

The one thing that would have changed the whole game for me. The one thing that would have made this the BEST investment I ever made would have been one simple thing.

All I needed to do was recognize that I was investing in ME.

I was paying ME.

I failed because I failed to see.

But now I see.

I started investing in me.

I now realize that I truly am what it takes to receive abundance in all aspects of life. 

I get it now. And I hope you do too.

And the best investment I ever made????

We’ll…

That’s a story for another day ūüėė 

Til then, remember…

You are loved.

You are wanted.

You are needed in this world today.

You are worth investing in. 

Thank you for being you.

Xoxo,

-Lala G

PS. Part 2 will be out next week, don’t worry ūüėė

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Home Again

There’s something about being home again that just makes home, HOME. I grew up both in Utah and Hawaii and for a little while had a little bit of an identity crisis. It wasn’t until I had my own children that I realized there were a few things that made home, HOME.

The one thing I absolutely love about being here at home is my Momma. I love having her near. Although she sometimes drives me up the wall, and maybe my husband too, she really is my rock. I call her about almost everything. When I just need to chat, she’s my go to. I just love her and adore her and admire her and emulate her and she TRULY is a woman I want to grow up to be like. Having her home cooking makes me realize why I wanted to learn how to cook in the first place. Watching her with my kids makes me wonder why I never appreciated her as a child. Seeing how much she LOVES having us here¬†makes me wonder why I never wanted to move home in the first place. I love having her around and will be enjoying every minute with her. And my dad. He’s the best too. We don’t talk as much but he is a man of action more than a man of words. And I’ve appreciated having him close too.

The other great thing about being home is my siblings. I only had one sibling in Utah and he was always busy and far away. These guys get me all day everyday. Lucky them! They drive me crazy sometimes but I really missed having them while I was in Utah. There are few people who get me and get my jokes. There are also even fewer people who get my personality type and craziness. They really are so lucky. Lol.

I also will admit that this humidity is doing me GOOD. My skin looks great. My hair is full again. And I don’t have to use lotion or chapstick all the time either. Even though I feel sticky like.. all day, at least I’m not ashy and cracking everywhere. (TMI? sorry)

And food. Yeah food. Best. Food. Yup.

It really has been awesome to be home again. Showing the kids all the places I used to go and where we lived and what we did has been fun too. They have loved it here so far. Granted we’ve only been here a couple of days but it’s been fun that’s for¬†sure.

I think what makes home, HOME is people who love you and get you. I think it’s the memories and the places that make your heart flutter with joy. I think it’s the shared love for¬†a place, a people, a time, and¬†even a purpose. Moving home was hard because I felt like I was leaving home.¬†Utah¬†is¬†also home to me. There were many people I was so sad to say goodbye to. There were many places I fell in love with that just felt LIKE home. There were so many good things I felt like I was leaving behind. But moving here to Hawaii has also been like moving home again. And that has been an amazing experiences.

Granted, we haven’t been here¬†very long and I’m probably just trying to convince myself that it’s ok to be here, but it really has been an amazing¬†experience. Everything leading up to this move was kind of a complete miracle itself. It has been an eye opener for me. And now that I’m here, the adrenaline has worn off, the magic is starting to fade, and my new “real life” is coming upon me, I feel excited for what new adventures await us.

I admit, I 1000% miss Utah. I will miss our adventures. I will miss the red rock. I will miss the rockies. I will miss my Lehi Fa Taha family. I will miss my Eaglecrest 1 ward neighborhood. And I will miss our little house on the corner of 600 W. But of all the things I miss, I will definitely miss my sweet angel Maria the most. How do I know I’ll be home again? Because our home will never be complete without her. And if that means I have to fly home to Utah to be with her… then so be it.

Home really is where your heart resides. Fortunately, my heart wanders and right now, my heart is¬†at Cedar Breaks lying in a truck falling asleep way¬†past it’s bedtime. Where is your home? And what makes your home, HOME? Let me know in the comments below!

Until next time friends. Who knows… we just might end up somewhere else the next time I write.

All my love,

-Lala G.

You Are Wanted

Most of my life I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and feeling unwanted. Of all these things, the last one is what gets to me the most.

I don’t think there was one particular thing that made me feel that way. I think it was a combination of experiences, people, things that were said, and basically life that created this feeling. I remember thinking I was too skinny because I am of Tongan decent and I wasn’t as big as everyone else in my family. I remember being told my hair was too big and too crazy because I hated brushing it and it was just easier to leave it be. (Sometimes it’s better to leave the lion untamed.) I also remember being teased for being too smart. And I am not even that smart! I learn easily and retain information pretty well but that doesn’t make me smart. The sciences and math came to me easily. I obviously like to write. And school was just easy for me. I didn’t excel but because I didn’t “struggle”, I was dubbed too smart.

The problem was that there was this mold. This mold defined what the perfect Tongan/American/student/mom/wife/*insert title* was and I did not fit it. Actually I did not fit any of them. I STILL don’t even fit them. I’m as big as I’ve ever been and now people are telling me my butt is too big. Or I look too swollen in the face. I have literally changed every part of my BEING, and it still isn’t enough.

The mold looked a certain way, and even if I tried to mimic its shape… it’s shape would never be me.

So I’m writing this simply because I am in a bind, mentally. My head is trying to follow my heart but my heart is a little broken and so I’m trying to mend the wounds that are no longer bleeding, just a little tender. When you’ve been hounded all your life by so many you love it’s hard to hear your own voice. And so this is really just a love letter to myself. This is just a reminder that the mold doesn’t matter. It actually only exists in my mind because in all honestly… I made the mold.

I created this mold because people were telling me what I was by shining a light on a single part of who I am. Not me as a person, just one little detail that bothered them. Because let’s be honest… my hair is AMAZING. I love it. It’s crazy. It’s all over the place. It’s pretty much untamable. It’s diverse. It’s unique. It perfectly fits… ME. 

Let’s also be honest… can there be such a thing as “too big” of a butt???? I mean if there is a perfect time to have a big butt… it’s NOW! So I might as well enjoy the ride and be grateful that it’s acceptable in society right now. It’s the “in” thing! And I’m totally ok with it.

The truth of the matter is… it didn’t matter what any one else said. My hair is never too big, unless you’re the person sitting behind me. My butt is never too big unless you’re my daughter and I accidentally hit you with it. I was never too skinny. I was never too smart. I was never too anything. I was simply me.

The “too” word came from THEIR standard of who they want me to be. It never actually exists. What exists is… what is. My hair just is. I just am. Life just IS. This word “too” sets the tone that there is a mold… and you are coming out of it. Like the mustard and mayo that oozes out of my favorite kind of burger… the “too” indicates that I am oozing out of this mold. And let’s be honest again… that makes people uncomfortable.

To see something that doesn’t fit your “norm” creates a dissonance it your harmony. The chord changes and you’re stuck trying to figure out how it fits. That’s basically what people were telling me. And my problem was… that I thought I, Heilala, was the problem. But like my awesome karate master says: whoever has the problem is the one with the problem. If you have a problem with my hair… that’s you’re problem. Like I said earlier, my hair isn’t too big… unless you’re sitting behind me.

My problem was that I thought I was a problem. I made myself believe that I was the problem at hand. But in reality, whoever told me I was “too” anything was the one with the problem.

And yes there were some times when I was probably too loud and too annoying and maybe my hair was too big for that wedding. (Lol funny story ask me about it later.) And I admit there are times when there is a standard and you need to follow it. Yes. There is a time and a place for everything. Yes. But to be told that I was “too something” because I was simply being me is unacceptable. Nope. Not today.

So today I’m reminding myself, and you, that we are wanted just as we are. We are totally acceptable. We are loved. We are wanted. We are needed in the world today just as we are. And as we learn and grow and become, we can eventually achieve our potential. But before we become anything, I think we just need to remember that we are completely acceptable as we are. 

I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart.

You ARE LOVED.

You ARE WANTED.

You ARE NEEDED IN THIS WORLD TODAY.

And I hope YOU know it.

Cuz I sure do.

All my love,

Xoxo

-Lala G

RELOCATING

We currently live in Utah but will be relocating really soon! I am completely nervous as I’ve grown accustomed to Utah life and Utah prices and will need to rearrange everything basically. So SURPRISE!!! We’re moving!

Although we are relocating, we will definitely be back. My daughter Maria is here in Utah so my heart will be here forever.

Where are we moving, do you ask???

HAWAII!!

Yep, you heard it here first folks. I’m going home. Home to the islands. Home to paradise.

Now if you know me… you know I do not like living in Hawaii. Lol. 3 reasons: 1) It’s far from EVERYTHING. Hawaii is the most isolated island chain on the planet. It costs hundreds of dollars and hours of airplane travel just to LEAVE the tiny state. 2) It’s expensive. I can buy food and do meal prep for my husband for a whole week on less than $100. You cannot do that in Hawaii. Unless you live on beans and potatoes and unfortunately… my children only like the latter. 3) It’s so small. The whole island is like 2 hours to go around. I just feel trapped sometimes.

Now don’t get me wrong. Hawaii does have it perks. There’s my mom, the food, the ocean, there really are no dangerous animals on the island, the food, the other islands, the food, people are so kind and friendly and filled with the Aloha spirit, the food, it’s paradise, and basically the food. Can you tell what I’m most excited about??? Lol.

Regardless, we are moving because we feel prompted to. We feel that’s where we are needed and that’s where we’re going.

I am excited for our new adventures and how fun it’ll be but I am also extremely sad that I am leaving my favoritest place on earth. So yes, I am admitting, Utah is my most favorite place on earth. But I will be back and I will hopefully be better, wiser, and thinner. LOL.

See you on the beach somewhere in Hawaii!

Xoxox

Lala G

2017 Word

Thank you 2016. This past year has been amazing. So many new and fun experiences. My eyes have been opened to new possibilities. My heart has learned to love immensely. My mind has been expanded to see the good in all things, (or to at least try). My mind, my heart, my soul, has been aligned. My goal for 2016 was completed in such a beautiful way. Not intentionally but totally intentionally. And I loved it.

2017, I’m here for you and I can’t wait to see the dreams, the goals, the life I get to live and ultimately behold. I’m so stoked!

In the words of Neil Gaiman, author of one of my favorite books and movie: Coraline-

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

2017—– Surprise me.


Actually, my goal is to surprise myself, by creating the life I’ve envisioned! Small baby steps, and eventually into leaps and bounds. 2017— I am so excited!!! 

My word for you 2017?? SURPRISE!!

#lovinHeilala

What’s in a name? I think that’s a very good question. What¬†is in a name? A whole ton of things! Your heritage, a memory, your title, your description, your essence, a lot of things go into a name. I remember growing up always hearing “don’t ruin the family name” and never really thought much of it. At least not until now.

Growing up I seriously had no idea who I was. I knew my parents. I knew where I came from. I knew my culture. I knew the town I lived in. But I didn’t know who¬†Heilala¬†was. I let a lot of other people define me. I did¬†a lot of things I am still not proud of to this day. Most of it was because I was trying to “fit” the mold I was given or what other people thought of me. I went through a lot of trials that I completely hated and wished for death on so many occasions. I didn’t understand why I was given my lot. Not until recently.

And even with all this knowledge of why I went through what I went through, I still have no idea who Heilala is!

So…….

For the next month, I am going to dedicate all of my time and energies on ME.

I’m going to learn about HEILALA. And I want to invite you to join me!

I know November is the month of gratitude and December is the month of service and giving, and I will do all that, BUT how can you give of others if your own cup is not full?

I have no problem giving my time away. Ask my husband. He’s always complaining that I have no time for him (sorry love). I am always wanting to serve and do so much for other people, that I’ve lost the essence of who I am.

This does not mean that I am becoming a hermit and am no longer allowing anyone in my home. This just means that I am going to take the time to take care of myself, and learn about the different things I love, while doing my every day tasks and things.

Most people are probably thinking “aint that what you ‘posed to do?”

Well yes. But as a mom, a wife, a volunteer, an entrepreneur, I think I’ve lost a little of me along the way. SO I’m going back to square one and serving¬†myself first.

I will post everyday on IG to share with you something new I learned about lil ‘ol me. If you want to join me use #lovinourname and #lovinHeilala. Use the hashtag with your name as well and share it with your friends!! I’ll be going til the end of December.

I guess this will be a huge, worldwide, get to know you game ūüôā So lmk if you’ll join me in the comments or on IG/FB!

xoxox

-Lala

Two Mills

One thing that’s always held me back is the thought that I am “two mils” or in American “too much”. I am overzealous, kine of eccentric, and completely over indulgent. I like big, sparkly, flashy, over the top things. I like being noticed. I like being told what I do is awesome. I like doing a big job well. 

But I also hate people calling me conceded or cocky. I don’t do it for you or for what others will say. I do it for the pure love that I have for doing things GREAT! And yet I have this voice that always says “freakin two mills you crimzon”. And it always makes me pull back an hundred fold. 

But this past week, I got to see the grand magnificence of Gods creations. He TOTALLY went all out! In everything He does it is grand and beautiful and magnificent. So who says, as His daughter, that I can’t to???? I can totally be “two mills” if I want because my God, my Father, my Creator, my Master, is exactly the same. When He made this world He didn’t think about “if it was too much”. He wanted it MORE than enough for us as His children. He wants us to enjoy every minute, every second, all the beauty He has created for US TO BEHOLD. And that’s it!

That beautiful sunset is just for me to watch and take in. The Grand scene of the Grand Canyon is just for me to appreciate and gasp at as I realize I cannot take it all in. The beautiful ravines in Zions National Park are for me explore and drool over. The towering waterfalls of Hawaii are just for me to experience and gaze upon. And do I ever think “oh man you totally outdid yourself today God”. NO! Never! We’ll maybe sometimes lol but it’s all because of my small mindset and temporal brain can hardly fathom the extent of the beauty around me. And not once has He ever thought “oh honey girl that’s way too much for you.” Never! (Maybe if I’m eating Krispy Kreme donuts and I’ve gone WAY past my limit). He wants me to do my best in ALL that I do. And if that means “two mills” for others, then so be it. 

I am totally Two Mills. And I am ok with that.