My Inner Warrior

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The Limitless coin as a reminder to Live our Limitless Life!

I had the privilege of attending the Limitless Seminar this past weekend. I learned so much about myself, I feel like I don’t know who I am, yet I feel like I’ve been re-introduced to an old friend I haven’t seen in many years.

I tell you, it was insane. Or I feel insane because of the things I did. I cried my eyeballs out as I recognized who I was, what I wanted to become, and embraced the parts of me “that weren’t all that pretty.”

The biggest take away for me was to embrace HEILALA. I tell everyone to call me “Lala” as a convenience for them. I never really tell me people to call me by my first full name because I feel it is inconvenient. It’s hard and I want to make life easier for people. Or so I thought. I hide my big, bold, talkative personality and most people know I’m out there, but they don’t know how OUT THERE I can be.

As a little girl, my mom said I was fearless. She said I would climb everything and regardless of who was yelling at me or telling me to get down, I would simply ignore them because I did what I wanted and it didn’t matter if I got hurt. I have cuts and scars from my childhood that are still with me because I didn’t care about whatever anyone said. I did what I wanted. And that fearlessness has been held back since then because I have lived in fear most of my life. I was probably depressed most of my life because of certain experiences and I learned to hold it back.

My big mouth always got me in trouble. I would say things that I had no intention of hurting people but they would take offense and be mad at me forever. It wasn’t until much later that I realized I had no part in making them angry. They took offense to what I said, even if I had good intentions and meant nothing but love and adoration. The opposite was true as well. People didn’t offend me, I chose to take offense to what they were saying. And you’d think that recognizing this would allow me to speak my truth and it did the quite opposite. I chose not to speak my truth unless I absolutely could not hold it in. (and I usually write when that happens, which is probably why I took to blogging in the first place.)

My crazy spirit was always told that I was “too much”. I was too talkative. I was too loud. I was too crazy. My hair is too big. My mouth is too big. I was told because I’m a girl, I can’t be a pilot. I shouldn’t become an archaeologist. I can’t go into the Air force. I wasn’t meant to travel and go places. I needed to be proper and mellow. I needed to sit nicely and stop running with the boys. I was too boy-crazy and that I was always known as “crazy lala”. Now it’s “crazy aunty lala”. And I was told that that was not okay. I was a girl and I needed to act like one. (Whatever that means.)

At Limitless, I learned to see these “limiting beliefs” as they truly are. They are just beliefs that limit me to be confined into a mold I do not fit. I don’t fit a regular mold. I have never been able to, yet I try so hard to. I had the privilege of breaking through each and every one of these limiting beliefs. I got to experience life if I didn’t have these beliefs. I got to show up, as Heilala, and be myself. I haven’t seen that side of me in YEARS. I had to be hynotized to bring out my inner Warrior.

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Out Team with the amazing Gerald and Kris.

I even had the nerve to call out this massive man. I almost went head to head with him because I was not about to let him fight the hypnotist. (We didn’t fight, not even close. The hypnotist got to both of us before anything went down. We went down lol.) I may not remember exactly what happened, but I do remember my thoughts. I had this little tiny voice, which I am sure was my conscious mind, that said, “are you seriously going to fight this guy?? Like what are you doing?” And then I had this loud, ferocious voice, which I think was my subconcious, that said “Just don’t hurt him.” And it wasn’t that I was actually going to hurt him, come on now, he was like twice my size, but I had this belief that “when I am myself, I hurt people”. I was afraid of hurting him because for once, I was truly being Heilala. And that meant people got hurt.

I also remember thinking “oh girl you talk way too much” and then the loud voice would “and what??? Who cares? I say what I want.” I also remember thinking, “why in the world are you talking about chubby midgets” and the loud voice would say “who cares! I say what I want!” These two voices would fight in my head and I recognzied that one was my true self. The loud, obnoxious, annoying voice was HEILALA. That was ME. And the soft, gentle voice was who I had trained myself to be.

I came home and I was so shocked at what I had done. The person I wanted NO ONE on this planet to EVER SEE was revealed. And she was a fighter. She was a WARRIOR. My amazing business coach, mentor, brother, friend, example, the Reverend Setema Gali told me last year to let out my Dark Warrior. And I said I would, but oh HELL NO was I going to LET ANYONE SEE THAT SIDE OF ME. NEVER….. until Friday night. I was so ashamed. People were coming up to me saying how funny it was and how inspiring it was and I was just stunned at how dumb I was to let her out.

That was until I spoke with the amazing Kalenn. She is one of the Limitless Archangels. She helped me work through another one of my fears ( or a few of them) and I recognized that it was okay to be me. I wasn’t shunned. I wasn’t exiled. I wasn’t beaten or laughed at (well for other reasons I was laughed at, but I’d laugh too.) I was empowered. I was validated. I was ACCEPTED for who I was. And I realize that it’s okay to have that part of me come out once in a while. My Inner Warrior doesn’t define me, but it is a part of me that I can accept and love.

I have learned to be gentle because of my husband. I have learned to be a visionary because of him. I have learned to love tenderly because of my children. I have learned to be quiet and at peace because of them. I have learned that it’s okay to have all these parts of me. I can accept my shadow, my inner warrior, and the parts of me that aren’t all that pretty. And I can accept the parts of me that are completely beautiful and radiant. I can accept ALL OF ME. And when I do, I allow others to do the same.

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Team “Double or Same!” They didn’t want to do nothing.

My experience at Limitless was just for one person. It was just for me. Others experienced different trials, different beliefs, different break throughs, because it was for them. And I bet, if and when you get the chance to go, it will be just for YOU. You will recognize things about you that you may have not known before. You will see yourself through new eyes. Eyes that aren’t clouded or blocked with rose colored glasses. You will see you and who you really are. And you will recognize that it is okay to be just that way. I CHALLENGE YOU TO REGISTER and begin your journey to a LIMITLESS life. You can do that at http://www.limitlessseminar.com.

Take the step now to create and live your Limitless life.

I always say this to end my posts and it is because I MEAN IT., but this time I will point it towards myself, because I think out of us all, I need it most.

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I am loved.

I am wanted.

I am needed, as I am.

I love you my sweet friends.

xoxo

-Lala

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18 Months…

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She would have been 18 months today.

She would be walking, and nearly talking.

She would be getting into everything.

She would be bothering her sisters and her brother.

She would be terrorizing our home.

She would be big enough to try things on her own.

I can just see the little crease between her brows as she concentrates on picking up some cereal, or whatever she finds on the floor.

I can see the gummy smile of hers, with what I would hope to be my dimples on both cheeks.

I can see her running from her brother and he would have loved to chase her around the house.

I can see her walking after Na’a wanting to be just like her older sister. And I can see Na’a slightly glancing back as if she didn’t see her sister there, but a little smile of satisfaction that she is the leader.

I can see her dad chasing her as she runs away with his phone, or something that he needs.

I can see Gissi hovering over her every move being the mother she wants to be.

How I miss her…

How I wish she were here…

How I wonder what life would be like…

But this I do know.

She is always present in our lives.

She is always near.

She is always in my heart as I count the days without her.

She is my guardian angel.

She is my ticket to heaven.

She is my hope, my light, my best friend, in a world that isn’t always kind.

She is my reminder that life is short and should be lived to the fullest. Whatever that means.

To me it means to love with no bounds, wonder with no end, give with no thought, and LIVE like tomorrow would never come.

This doesn’t mean to “YOLO” and act like a fool. It means to appreciate those around you, and recognize that life is worth living in this moment. Not the next. Or in 2 years. Or when you have enough money. Or when you’re 21. It is worth living right now. And each moment you breath, can be a moment wasted. Wasted worrying about trivial things like “likes” and “followers”, or who’s dating who, or whats her face has a new problem, or whats his face isn’t being to kind…

Tell those you love, that you love them. Even if you think they already know.

Tell those you appreciate, that you appreciate them. Even if you’ve already said thank you.

Tell those you care, that you care about them. Even if you do take care.

Tell those you miss, that you miss them. Even if they don’t seem to miss you back.

Tell those you worry about, that you worry about them. Even if they don’t listen.

Tell them today. Tomorrow may never come. And in 18 months, you may wonder….

I am not here to make you feel guilty.

I am not here to make you feel sad.

I am definitely not here for your pity or your empathy.

I am here because I wish I had 18 months with my sweet Maria. And because I didn’t, because I don’t, I will enjoy the 18 months, hopefully years, hopefully times 100, with the ones I do have. And I will love them today.

I miss you Maria.

I cannot wait to see you again.

But until then, save us a table in heaven.

My dear friends,

if I haven’t already told you,

you are wanted,

you are loved,

you are needed,

and I thank you for being a part of my world.

All my love,

-Lala